Dear parents,

Every one of us has some similarity to an iceberg; 10% is above the surface and 90% below the surface. Dr. Tim Elmore compares the parts that are above the surface to our talent and the parts that are below the surface to our values. I like this analogy.  The parts that are above the surface, our talents, are visible to all. They provide us short-term success and immediate gratification. The parts that are below the surface, our values, are the things that enable long-term success.

For example, a student who is a good musician or basketball player receives some praise in the short-term. Very few of the students will ever make a living as a professional musician or professional athlete. Instead, it is what's below the surface, our integrity, honesty, compassion, empathy, persistence, or positive attitude that will carry us to more meaningful successes in life.

Unfortunately, as parents we often go the way of society and emphasize the 10% that is above the surface to the detriment of the important parts below the surface. It's so tempting to do so.  I can assure you that our coaches, both athletic and musical, understand this and encourage the development of the deeper values, and I encourage you to do that as well. Not only will it be important in your child's eventual success, it is also the part that is most likely to "sink" him or her in the future. A character flaw will cause more trouble than any technical lacking.

How do we help our children grow in these important areas? Hold them to a higher standard for honesty than for grades. Hold them to a higher standard for empathy than we do for attractiveness. Of course, there are many more, but you get the idea.  Focus on the things that matter most and ease up on the things that don't.

I know this is more easily said than done. Everything we see on broadcast or social media goes against it. I encourage you to take a hard look at it once again and do your best.

Blessings on your parenting,

Tim Miesner
Principal

 
Dear Parents,

Have you given much thought about how to help your child make good friends in the future? Within a few years, your child will be headed into the larger world of high school. Almost certainly that will be a more populous setting. There will be a greater diversity of values in that school. Making good friends is not difficult at Epiphany, because our families in general have very similar values. While no one is perfect, almost any student within your child's class at Epiphany could be a good influence.

This may seem to you like the distant future, but beyond a high school there's the selection and getting along with a college roommate. And not far beyond that is the selection and getting along with a spouse. The same skills apply in each case.

I suggest that even now at your child's tender young age you should ask him or her about friends at school. Ask what their positive and negative attributes are. We all have strengths and limitations. Understanding these strengths and limitations helps to better understand the people around us.

Ask your child what he or she does to foster this relationship. Remember, we can't change the other person, only ourselves. Each of us has a lot to put into a relationship whether that's a close relationship or something more peripheral. Be the listening ear and the guiding mentor in your child's life especially regarding relationships.

There's a lot of complexity to responsible parenting, isn't there? Fortunately, there's also a great joy.

Blessings on your parenting,

Tim Miesner
Principal

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Dear Parents,
 
Have you purchased the latest gift craze of this season? I didn't realize until I saw the lines outside stores on TV. For this year it's hatchimals.  Every year at Christmas some item becomes the hard to get Christmas present. I always wonder what amazing marketing genius comes up with these ideas.
 
It's impressive how quickly the word spreads about something so "trivial" as a Christmas present. Imagine the impact on the world if the word spread in such an exciting fashion about the greatest Christmas present of all time, God's gift to us in Jesus. Take time during this Christmas season to read about that present in God's Word (Luke 2) and celebrate His coming into our world for each of us.  Invite a friend to church with you.  You are invited as always to come to Epiphany for our worship services.   I'll be here, and I'd love to see you.
 
Have a blessed Christmas celebration,
Tim Miesner
Principal

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Dear Parents,
Labor in the United States and around the world is becoming increasingly efficient. A movie theater 30 years ago employed one person for each movie being shown. Today one person oversees all movies, and that person is just watching the program for errors.
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One problem with work today is that much of it is no longer physical.  It's easy to forget how good physical work is good for us. There is the obvious benefit of strengthening muscles and the cardiovascular system without even going to the gym. A lesser known benefit is the "cobweb clearing effect" that is gained by working with one's muscles rather than one's brain.
 
Did you know that children in families whose income is under $20,000 a year are less than half as likely to get summer jobs as teens whose families earn over $100,000 a year? Did you know that students who held jobs in high school find an easier time getting a job once they graduate from college than do those students who did not work during high school?
 
So how do we prepare our students for that working world? First, and I've written about this before, assign them chores. Our children need to learn that working is an important part of life, and there's no time like the present for that lesson. Second, make sure some of these chores involve physical labor. Get them active. It's amazing what kids can do when we just train them and encourage them. Let them bring in some age appropriate part of the groceries. Third, let them know how important work is to you by setting a good example. Speak positively about your own job as much as possible. Fourth, don't put upon them your expectations about what kind of job they will have. Just express your desire to see them have meaningful employment in their future.
 
These are such important formative years in the life of your child.  They will be gone in a flash.  Use each minute as a precious gift from God to build up your children in the way they should go.
 
Blessings on your parenting,
Tim Miesner
Principal

​Dear parents,
In this world of testing and grades, it's easy to forget that EQ is just as important as IQ. I'm sure you have heard and read the term emotional intelligence, but what does it mean?
 
Psychologists ascribe four initial characteristics to emotional intelligence. They are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Recently motivation has been added to this list.
 
Self-awareness is an understanding of my own strengths and weaknesses. Self-management means that I am able to work with my strengths and weaknesses, using the strengths to offset weaknesses. Social awareness means that I understand how people view me. Relationship management is how I interact with other people. Motivation is the wildcard, the one that enables us to work on the four preceding.
 
It's easy for us as parents to put more emphasis on the quantitative things we see such as grades and test scores. It's unfortunate when we do that to our children, because their success in life is at least as dependent on emotional intelligence as intelligence and education.
 
Ask yourself this question.  Would I rather that my child got straight As but had relationship trouble with classmates, or would I prefer they got Bs and Cs but got along well with everyone? The answer to this question will help you assess your own values.
 
Like most human qualities, some of us are just naturally better with EQ, but we can all grow in it.  To help your child grow, ask questions about how they perceive themselves.  Ask about how they treat others.  Give those answers a reality check.  If they want to talk about how others treat them but not how they treat others, dig deeper.  Help correct misperceptions and advise with ways to handle situations better.
 
At Epiphany we work on the relationships among students and on a student's realistic perception of self.  The importance of a well-rounded education is why we promote the tag line - educating the whole child - mind, body, spirit.
 
Blessings on your parenting,
Tim Miesner
Principal

 
Dear Parents,
 
As you know, on Thursday of this week, we are going to have our first quarter parent - teacher conferences.  Again this year, students will participate in these conferences.  Those who are ready to do so will even lead the conference.  They are busy planning for this now.
 
This is still not a common practice, although more schools are adopting it.  You may wonder why we do it.  Simply put, we want students to be the "owner" of their education.  If you are the parent of young students, then you make most decisions for them.  As they grow and mature, you will make fewer of their decisions.  They will naturally grow into this role.  You will be with them to advise them along the way.  Leading their own educational conference is one step in the process of growth and maturity.  That's why as a parent you increasingly make them responsible for the school work.  It's a valuable part of the experience.  We want our students not to just be passive learners but assertive leaders in their education process.  
 
At the conference, depending upon their age, they will describe what they have learned, what they expect and hope to learn, and how their grades show this.  As students are increasingly able to do this, you should get accurate reports on their progress from them in the future.
 
Although students are only present briefly on that day, it's an important part of their education and counts as a school day.  If you have any questions about it, please contact me.  I so appreciate hearing from parents by email and in person.
 
In His Service,
Tim Miesner
Principal

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Dear parents,
 
I'm curious about how many of us have regular chores for our children. When I was growing up child labor was far more common.  My dad used to say that just when I could finally do a full day's work on the farm I went off to first grade.
 
According to a recent survey this is not the case in today's household.  In that survey 82% of parents said doing chores was a normal household experience when they were a child, but only 28% of the same parents said they asked their kids to do chores.
 
Why is this? In the survey several reasons were given.  Some parents believe their children are too stressed out to do both homework chores.   Many didn't want to fight the battle. Some said it was just plain easier to do the work themselves than to teach their children to do it.
 
Let me be clear about this. None of those are good reasons. Of course it's easier to do it ourselves, but it's better to teach our children to do it. Chores really don't take very long, if they are done correctly and with proper training. The problem comes when we just tell children to do something without taking the time to show them how to do it.
 
In a study of chores done by the University of Mississippi, Dr. Marti Rossman found that chores instilled in children the importance of contributing to their family. He also concluded that those people who had done chores as young children were more likely to be well-adjusted and have better relationships with their peers.
 
So how do you start chores? Select something that is age-appropriate, that is simple enough for your children to accomplish. Show them exactly how to do it. Have them help you do it. Help them do it. Watch them do it. Don't leave out any of the steps. Problems arise when we simply dump chores on children without taking the time needed to work with them on how to do the chores themselves. Describe the importance of what they are doing and how it helps the family. Model a good work ethic for them. Don't sit on the sofa watching TV while they are mopping the floor. I think you will be surprised how proud children are of the work they accomplish. This weekend would be a good time to begin.
 
Blessings on your parenting,
Tim Miesner
Principal

​Dear parents,
 
I've often heard someone say proudly, "I'm multi-tasking!" But, is that a good thing?
 
MIT neuroscientist, Earl Miller, writes, "Our brains are not wired to multi-task. When people think they're multi-tasking, they're really just switching from one task to another very rapidly. And every time they do, there is a cognitive cost."
 
We teach our own brain to jump from one thing to another and then wonder why our children lack focus. At the end of the day, it feels as if we've worked very hard on many things, but we can't point to anything completed. If we, instead, taught our brain to select the one most important thing to do at the time, and worked on that, we would be miles ahead, in my opinion.
 
In another study at the University of London, subjects were given several tasks to perform. They were asked to do them in sequence and then later to do them simultaneously. When the subjects were required to perform the tasks simultaneously, the quality of work dropped to a level similar to that done by a person who was sleep deprived or on drugs.  That may explain some of the work you see at your officeJ.
 
In addition, studies of humans show that multi-tasking causes an increase in the production of cortisol, a stress-inducing hormone. That may explain a lot of what's going on in our society today.
 
I was so pleased when I saw these studies, because I have been a dedicated mono-tasker for years. Of course that makes me a very non-objective reporter as well. Please just give it a try with these steps.
·         Make a list of things that you need to get done.
·         Sit down and look over the list. 
·         Pray for the one thing that you should do first, usually the most important.
·         Ask God to bless your efforts and give you focus.
·         Work on that one thing until it is either completed or you run into an unavoidable delay. That will happen. Remember, not all things can be completed quickly.
 
If you are like me, by the end of the day you will not only have checked more things off your list, but more importantly, the quality of the work will be higher. As I said before, I'm not very objective on this. I just offer it up for you to consider.
 
By the way, this method works just as well for your children as it does for you.  Once you learn the strategy, teach it to your children.  They are growing up in a society that glorifies multi-tasking and doesn't quite understand yet why everyone is so stressed out.
 
This reminds me of an old hymn.
With the Lord begin thy task, Jesus will direct it
For His aid and counsel ask, Jesus will perfect it
Every morn with Jesus rise, and when day is ended
In His name then close thine eyes, be to Him commended
 
Blessings on your parenting,
Tim Miesner
Principal

 
Dear parents,
As parents we want to be relevant in our children's lives not only in the present but for many years to come. If you are the parent of a young child, you are their center of the universe. As your child grows and matures, other influences will enter his or her life. If you are the parent of a middle school child, you are all too aware of this reality. Regardless of how old your children are, there are several things you can do to maintain or improve this relevance.
 
Study their culture. Especially as our kids grow they begin to have a culture outside ours. What are they reading? What are they watching?  To what are they listening? The better you understand their culture, the better you understand them.
 
Try to understand the difference between a cultural phenomenon and timeless value. Some societal trends will come and go quickly, while others leave behind some part of themselves for a long time. At any moment it's hard to know whether some phenomenon is a fad or a permanent change.  Be sure to keep your timeless values in mind and teach them to your children.
 
Look for redemptive analogies. Even in the foreign culture occupied by our children, we can find examples of people doing things that we find acceptable or even laudable. Look for those words and deeds to discuss with your children. When they see their cultural icons acting in harmony with your timeless values, it's a powerful message.
 
When something works well, start looking for the next strategy. Unfortunately solutions that work with our children don't last forever. As parents we have to constantly and creatively look for new alternative ways to communicate and lead.
 
Measure success by connection and not by control. We can only temporarily control our children and that only when they're very young. The connection we make at a young age will remain intact. When your children are older and less under your control, you can move to the consultant phase of parenting.  That stage works even through adulthood.
 
Just a reminder -- many of the ideas I present are based upon the writings of Dr. Tim Elmore.  Check out his website at http://growingleaders.com/ .
 
Blessings on your parenting,
Tim Miesner
Principal

Dear parents,
As we begin a new school year, there is change for each one of us. Change brings about a certain level of discomfort, but discomfort often brings about growth.
 
We live in a time and place that values, almost worships, comfort and safety. While comfort and safety are both wonderful things, no one would ever learn to ride a bike or how to swim, if they placed too much value in safety or comfort. We have to step out of our comfort zone to grow.
 
As parents we often view our role as providing our children with complete safety if not complete comfort. But the United States would never have become a new nation, if the founding fathers had embraced that same attitude to the extent we do today. They certainly put themselves and their families in danger when they declared independence. They could have suffered physical harm and even death as a result of taking that action.
 
So when do we play it safe, and when do we step out and take a risk? That's a difficult question. One has to weigh the benefits and the risks to make a good decision.  It's even more difficult when it comes to our children. We can't look into the future and see which risks taken now will benefit them in the future. We know some will, but we don't know which ones. That's one reason I never want to judge another person's parenting.  Each of us is going to do the best we can with our own children.
 
Please be safe most of the time, but occasionally take a calculated risk...and let your kids do so too.
 
Blessings on your parenting,
Tim Miesner
Principal