Every one of us has some similarity to an iceberg; 10% is above the surface and 90% below the surface. Dr. Tim Elmore compares the parts that are above the surface to our talent and the parts that are below the surface to our values. I like this analogy. The parts that are above the surface, our talents, are visible to all. They provide us short-term success and immediate gratification. The parts that are below the surface, our values, are the things that enable long-term success.
For example, a student who is a good musician or basketball player receives some praise in the short-term. Very few of the students will ever make a living as a professional musician or professional athlete. Instead, it is what's below the surface, our integrity, honesty, compassion, empathy, persistence, or positive attitude that will carry us to more meaningful successes in life.
Unfortunately, as parents we often go the way of society and emphasize the 10% that is above the surface to the detriment of the important parts below the surface. It's so tempting to do so. I can assure you that our coaches, both athletic and musical, understand this and encourage the development of the deeper values, and I encourage you to do that as well. Not only will it be important in your child's eventual success, it is also the part that is most likely to "sink" him or her in the future. A character flaw will cause more trouble than any technical lacking.
How do we help our children grow in these important areas? Hold them to a higher standard for honesty than for grades. Hold them to a higher standard for empathy than we do for attractiveness. Of course, there are many more, but you get the idea. Focus on the things that matter most and ease up on the things that don't.
I know this is more easily said than done. Everything we see on broadcast or social media goes against it. I encourage you to take a hard look at it once again and do your best.
Blessings on your parenting,